Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
