i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
