I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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