just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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