don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
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