When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
