so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
