it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
