We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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