Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
