watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
