I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I party with great urgency now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
