i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
