I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
