You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
