I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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