it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
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