I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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