i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
