I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
