I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
