i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
