dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
