Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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