3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
zippers are such a cool invention
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
