Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
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