We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
