yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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