Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
