I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
