only you would photoshop your dick
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
