Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
