i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I AM VODKA MAN
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
