He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
the day after is always just damage control
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
