he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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