Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
