Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
