as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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