fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
