First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
