im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
