But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
