I want to walk on stilts...naked
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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