Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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