am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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