Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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