Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
