bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
