Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
