If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
